Thursday, October 11, 2012

Upgrade/Downgrade: Babe


(Although I'm pretty sure I'm the only person who still hadn't seen Babe.)

According to Aunt Patty, Farmer Arthur H. Hoggett is the soxiest and myohmy is she right! Hubba hubba! Especially when he busts a move to cheer Babe up/miraculously heal him. (I’m unclear on what happened during several parts of the movie since there was lively conversation, a cute freckled   child, two favorite kitties, fiesta nacho bites, cruise talk, and SmartPop distracting me.)

I didn’t cry. I was told there would be crying. What was the sad part? When Babe’s all alone at the Hoggett farm? He gets all snuggly with Fly, so that part didn’t get me. When Mama Sheep dies? It was sad, yes. I didn’t celebrate. But crying? Not a tear.

Voice actors! I could have sworn JTT voiced Babe when he said his first pathetic “Mama”, but alas. No JTT here. Also!!  Russi Taylor who has voiced every cartoon character in the history of television and radio was Captain Kittyface! That’s the name of the evil cat, right? The best thing about Russi Taylor is how she contributed to what turns out to be a real thing: Jakers! The Adventures of Piggley Winks. Ask Rose to sing you the theme song sometime.

Rex is a dick. (Not a duck, autocorrect! Ferdinand is the duck!) He doesn’t console Fly when their babies are adopted by the male movie version of me, he physically abuses her, he tries to eat Babe while he’s apologizing, he bites Farmer Hoggett, and is just an all-around nasty grumblepuss.

Kitty scarf! I want one! You may add that to your list of Christmas gift ideas.

(Disclaimer: This is neither Mrs. Hoggett nor Captain Kittyface.)

Is the Hoggetts’ grandson Stillwell from A League of Their Own? Apparently now. Grandson Hoggett is Wade Hayward and Stillwell is Justin Scheller. HOWEVER! They both only have one acting credit to their name and neither has a picture on IMDB. Conspiracy?

Fly tells Babe he can’t help them herd sheep because his job is to stay behind and eat food. Sign me up! Best. Job. EVAR!

We can send faxes to each other? Wow, daughter, that sounds awesome. Thanks ever so much for the totally rad present. What would one fax that they couldn’t call someone about instead?

Sheep bandits? Is that a real thing? It appears so: This article from August 22, 2012 states, "The man was following the bandits after they stole his eight sheep when they turned on him and shot him." So, yeah. I'm not down with sheep bandits, but way to be accurate, Babe!

Racist chickens!

(These are not racist chickens. They love everyone and believe that it’s what’s on the inside that counts).

I was told after the movie that there also weren’t any racist chickens in Babe and that the miraculous pig had just sorted them by color (racist pig!), but by then my opinion of the chickens had already formed.

Baa ram ewe! Mostly because it’s fun to say.

Baa ram ewe!
Baa ram ewe!
To your breed, your fleece, you clan be true!
Sheep be true!
Baa ram ewe!

And it’s extra clever because, as you know, baa is the sound a sheep makes, a ram is a male sheep, and a ewe is a female sheep. Learning is fun!
Could a pig even kill a sheep? With his gums? Snout? Little piggie hooves? Ohmygod, you guys. They can! Slate says so! Don’t read the article because it’s upsetting, but pigs totally killed and ate a farmer on 9/26. So, yay Babe for having knowledge of the murderous tendencies of seemingly innocent livestock, but this still stays in the cons column due to the ick factor.

High praise=that’ll do? That’s all ya got, Hoggett?!

His smirk tells me that, yes. That's all he's got. You soxy fool!

While there appear to be more cons than pros, I'm going to remain neutral on this one. So, no upgrade or downgrade. Just...grade?

1 comment:

  1. UPGRADE on this review and the lovely night we had watching the film!
    DOWNGRADE to the fact that this website obviously doesn't appreciate the time you took to include photos...
    SIDENOTE: I think the cat is technically named Dutchess but Evil Captain Kittyface is much better! Psh - her and her Moaning Myrtle voice.