Tuesday, October 23, 2012

Upgrade/Downgrade: Equality

It could be argued by some (namely, my fiance) that I could be described as slightly extremely sensitive and a little lot irrational right now.

But when I come into work and click on an email for upcoming training offerings and this


is one of the choices:

Effective Service Consulting with Female Buyers
  • Wednesday, 10/24 at 11am EDT
  • Friday, 10/26 at 2pm EDT


How does one not take offense?

I can't think of any way to spin it positively.

Female buyers have to be treated differently how?

You must be more sensitive to them? Because of our feelings? Should you not also be sensitive and kind to male customers?

You need to explain recommended service on their car differently? Because we don't understand scary things like catalytic converters?

I'm not sure who should be more upset by the customer service that my company thinks women need: women or men?

Women, for obvious reasons. Sure. But men should also be furious that they're not being treated with the same level of kindness, caring, and explanation that women are. 

Very serious downgrade. Disappointing.

Thursday, October 18, 2012

Operation: Cutie Pie Has Begun

It's no big secret (or maybe it is, but it's not a secret from me due to the fact that it's pretty hard for me to keep secrets for myself) that I struggle with confidence issues.

I fluctuate wildly day to day moment to moment between thinking I am the cutest cutie face ever to not even wanting to acknowledge or deal with my face that's always breaking out and splotchy, with my lifeless hair, with my belly fat and love handles, with my clothes that just never. fit. right.

Can you tell where I am on the confidence scale currently?

But, listen. I'm not a total headcase. I know that I have all the elements of a beautiful lady. I just need to learn and be willing to invest time into making my look come together so that I can feel sure that I'm looking my best. Because those days when I'm wearing ill-fitting clothes and I've thrown my hair up in a messy bun and my makeup consists of chapstick, I just don't feel good.

Some people do and that's awesome. Yay, you guys! I fully support that. For me personally, though, I need to put some effort into myself to feel outstanding.

Which is where Operation: Cutie Pie comes into play.

I took the day off work yesterday. I didn't request it off with the intention of O:CP in mind, but when I started visualizing my day off, I decided that I did want to start the journey into feeling better about the way I present myself to the world. It's crossed my mind a lot recently that it would be fun to start playing around with different hairstyles and makeup, since I pretty much do the same thing every day right now and with the help of Pinterest and tutorials from thebeautydepartment.com, there aren't any excuses. I could very seriously try a different hairstyle and makeup style every day for the next year and not repeat. Which is totally cray and I have no intention of doing, but I could if I wanted to. So, maybe two days a week, I'll play around with it.

Since I had nowhere to go yesterday, except Sprouts, I went with a sixties updo and what started out as a cateye, but turned into SmokeyTown, USA instead.

I posted the result of my playtime to Instagram yesterday.(Can't figure out how to get Instagram pics in a post! Help?)

Annnnnnyhow. To the point. My main source of upset is clothes that don't look good and/or that I don't feel good in.

My brilliant idea? Fix my wardrobe up!

1. Pull all my clothes out of their various hiding places.
2. Remove any clothes that no longer fit or I no longer wear.
3. Remove any tops that don't match at least two bottoms.

That's just the beginning, of course, but I feel like I'm on track to getting the clothes situation under control.

Here's part one of the clothing portion of O:CP.

That's everything.

These are the clothes that don't get to stick around, plus a sudoku book for kicks. The top picture is the before and the bottom picture is everything packaged up for the nearest thrift store or church rummage sale.

Some examples of what is being sent away. The world's shortest skirt that I wore to Eric's 80s birthday party, but never will again because my butt hangs out and that's inappropriate. Ex-boyfriend penguin boxers. The nightgown I bought in high school to wear once I got pregnant. (Hi, Roxy!) A prairie skirt?

Activity specific clothes, which are my workout and camping clothes. These are the clothes I should not be seen in unless I am doing physical activity or I am out in the woods. The workout clothes go into what is still referred to as my "gym bag", although I haven't had a gym membership in over a year. I'm not sure where to store the camping clothes. Suggestions?

Clothes for altering, hemming, otherwise fixing.

Organization is exhausting. Roxy will tell you all about it, if you have the time.

There ya go. That was my day off. I also made shutterbean's Curried Chicken with Coconut Rice and even after reading her fair warning, I have stained my cuticles with curry and they, no matter how much I wash my hands, smell of onion and curry. Yums.

Curry cuticles. One more step toward confidence. It's the hot new thing.

Thursday, October 11, 2012

Upgrade/Downgrade: Babe


(Although I'm pretty sure I'm the only person who still hadn't seen Babe.)

According to Aunt Patty, Farmer Arthur H. Hoggett is the soxiest and myohmy is she right! Hubba hubba! Especially when he busts a move to cheer Babe up/miraculously heal him. (I’m unclear on what happened during several parts of the movie since there was lively conversation, a cute freckled   child, two favorite kitties, fiesta nacho bites, cruise talk, and SmartPop distracting me.)

I didn’t cry. I was told there would be crying. What was the sad part? When Babe’s all alone at the Hoggett farm? He gets all snuggly with Fly, so that part didn’t get me. When Mama Sheep dies? It was sad, yes. I didn’t celebrate. But crying? Not a tear.

Voice actors! I could have sworn JTT voiced Babe when he said his first pathetic “Mama”, but alas. No JTT here. Also!!  Russi Taylor who has voiced every cartoon character in the history of television and radio was Captain Kittyface! That’s the name of the evil cat, right? The best thing about Russi Taylor is how she contributed to what turns out to be a real thing: Jakers! The Adventures of Piggley Winks. Ask Rose to sing you the theme song sometime.

Rex is a dick. (Not a duck, autocorrect! Ferdinand is the duck!) He doesn’t console Fly when their babies are adopted by the male movie version of me, he physically abuses her, he tries to eat Babe while he’s apologizing, he bites Farmer Hoggett, and is just an all-around nasty grumblepuss.

Kitty scarf! I want one! You may add that to your list of Christmas gift ideas.

(Disclaimer: This is neither Mrs. Hoggett nor Captain Kittyface.)

Is the Hoggetts’ grandson Stillwell from A League of Their Own? Apparently now. Grandson Hoggett is Wade Hayward and Stillwell is Justin Scheller. HOWEVER! They both only have one acting credit to their name and neither has a picture on IMDB. Conspiracy?

Fly tells Babe he can’t help them herd sheep because his job is to stay behind and eat food. Sign me up! Best. Job. EVAR!

We can send faxes to each other? Wow, daughter, that sounds awesome. Thanks ever so much for the totally rad present. What would one fax that they couldn’t call someone about instead?

Sheep bandits? Is that a real thing? It appears so: This article from August 22, 2012 states, "The man was following the bandits after they stole his eight sheep when they turned on him and shot him." So, yeah. I'm not down with sheep bandits, but way to be accurate, Babe!

Racist chickens!

(These are not racist chickens. They love everyone and believe that it’s what’s on the inside that counts).

I was told after the movie that there also weren’t any racist chickens in Babe and that the miraculous pig had just sorted them by color (racist pig!), but by then my opinion of the chickens had already formed.

Baa ram ewe! Mostly because it’s fun to say.

Baa ram ewe!
Baa ram ewe!
To your breed, your fleece, you clan be true!
Sheep be true!
Baa ram ewe!

And it’s extra clever because, as you know, baa is the sound a sheep makes, a ram is a male sheep, and a ewe is a female sheep. Learning is fun!
Could a pig even kill a sheep? With his gums? Snout? Little piggie hooves? Ohmygod, you guys. They can! Slate says so! Don’t read the article because it’s upsetting, but pigs totally killed and ate a farmer on 9/26. So, yay Babe for having knowledge of the murderous tendencies of seemingly innocent livestock, but this still stays in the cons column due to the ick factor.

High praise=that’ll do? That’s all ya got, Hoggett?!

His smirk tells me that, yes. That's all he's got. You soxy fool!

While there appear to be more cons than pros, I'm going to remain neutral on this one. So, no upgrade or downgrade. Just...grade?

Wednesday, October 10, 2012

Three Things

1. I am way more pleasant when I'm wearing a skirt. Insight into why this may be?

2. I know nothing about fashion, but I learned by experience last week that loose top plus loose bottoms is bad. Loose top plus tight bottoms or tight top plus loose bottoms are okey dokey. And tight top and tight bottoms together are aces.

(stolen with no remorse from Google Images)


(see above)


Big ol' belt.
(via Kendi Everyday)


Red skinny jeans
(random Pinterest search)


3. A coworker asked me about my upcoming nuptials and decided to offer this gem on the subject:

"Yeah, I want to get married, but every time I save up enough money to buy a ring, I buy something else instead."

Never tell your girlfriend that. Ever. Let her think you're not ready. It's better than her knowing that sunglasses and iPads or whatever are more important than she is.

Tuesday, October 9, 2012

Upgrade/Downgrade: IT Guy

My email this morning:

Good morning, IT Guy.

C’s computer will not power on. It’s just making a sound like it’s trying to, but nothing happens. Can you please help us out with this? She’s using J’s computer in the meantime.

Thank you.

His response:

First thing to check are the basic things
Is the monitor on and set to the correct input

Is the monitoir cable securely plugged into the back of the computer
Is the monitor cable securely plugged into the back of the monitor
Does the pc make a beeping sound when it tries to turn on

If none of that works then try to replace the monitor .
Let me know
IT Guy

Let me break this down for you.

First thing to check are the basic things
Is the monitor on and set to the correct input

Uh...seriously? Is the monitor on? Have I never used a computer before? Am I a complete idiot?

Is the monitoir cable securely plugged into the back of the computer

What's a monitoir? Like a minotaur?

Sorry, but I'm not checking the minotaur's cable. He scares me.

Or is a monitoir a fancy French monitor? Maybe the computer's not working because it's busy eating crepes and smoking cigarettes while adjusting its beret?

Is the monitor cable securely plugged into the back of the monitor

Listen. If I've checked to make sure the machine is on, I've also checked to make sure all plugs are secure. I'm not your great-grandma. I grew up with computers. These troubleshooting suggestions are just offensive.

Does the pc make a beeping sound when it tries to turn on

Nope. I should have been more clear here, but I knew whatever sound description I gave you wouldn't come across correctly. It's like a buzzing/struggling sound. It's like the computer equivalent of me trying to run a mile. 

If none of that works then try to replace the monitor .
Let me know
IT Guy

Oh, sweet baby Jesus! It's not the monitor. The computer is the problem, not the monitor. The monitor is happy as can be. If my car's engine isn't starting, do I replace the headlights? Is that a solution, IT Guy?

Downgrade, IT Guy.