Thursday, November 11, 2010

The Dating Game

It's been made clear by past experience that I'm not great at the whole dating thing. I end up uninterested very quickly and I handle things badly.

After a lot of thought, though, I think the problem was that I was lacking focus. I didn't know what I wanted from dating. It seems odd to have a "dating purpose", but I do need one. I didn't know what I wanted from these poor guys, I just knew I wasn't getting it. I ended up frustrated that they weren't meeting any expectations when the expectations were just smoky ideas.

The horrible offenses of the last round of fellows I dated:

*he asked the same questions more than once (Granted, they were sort of big deal questions, like: How would you feel about being a stay-at-home mom? You'd think he'd remember my response to something like that the first time, right?)

*he stuck his tongue out as he was coming in for a kiss. Gross.

*he made me watch Avatar.

*he was super late & didn't apologize. Then we were late for dinner, then late for a comedy show. Have you ever walked into a comedy show after it started? Walking in late makes you a target.

I suppose there's nothing exceptionally deal breaker-y about any of that, but it becomes an issue when you don't know what you want from someone. All I could see was what he didn't have. I couldn't match him up to what he should have because I didn't know what that was.

I doubt any of these guys had what I'm looking for, but if I'd known what I'd wanted from them, I may have seen that although they had some deficiencies, they may have had a lot to offer as well.

So. New plan.

In dating, and in life, I need to be both very aware and very vocal about what I want.

This is what I want from dating:

1. Someone to do stuff with. How's that for vague? I want someone to hike with, visit museums with, go to food festivals with.

2. Someone who makes me better. I need to feel like I'm constantly improving and it'd be great to have someone around who inspires me to do so.

3. Someone I can count on. I need some loyalty and reliability.

4. A friend. That wants to make out. And have lots of sex.

5. Some space. I don't need someone up in my beeswax all the time. I don't know where the happy middle ground between getting attention and getting alone time is, but that's what I need.

That's what I have so far.

With that, I'm back in the game.