Wednesday, May 25, 2011

What Utaught (or What I Learned in Utah)

Utaught? Utah-t? Wordplay comprehensiveness currently escapes me.

I just returned from a glorious vacation in Utah. Most of my time was spent hiking and breathing deeply and generally absorbing nature.

I also learned quite a bit and I'd like to share these lessons with you.

1. One may hand-feed a squirrel Cheez-its, but one may face dire consequences if said squirrel likes the taste of human. I was not bitten. My squirrel was friendly. Yet there are graphic pictures in Zion on shuttles and in newspapers that prove that someone's been bitten at some point. Maybe they just didn't have the proper squirrel feeding technique down.

2. It is illegal to feed squirrels Cheez-its.

3. Some squirrels are cannibals. Or very romantic. I saw a squirrel carrying another lifeless squirrel in its mouth. I believe that squirrel A was taking squirrel B to a private spot so the snacking could begin. Dylan thinks squirrel A happened upon his dead wife's body when he arrived home and was bringing her back to their favorite place so that could be her final resting spot.

4. The Black Eyed Peas' "I Gotta Feeling" is played entirely too much on entirely too many stations.

5. Some stations, bless them, play hour upon hour of Aerosmith.

6. Dylan & I can name all 50 states and a great number of countries in the world.

7. I need to brush up on my cities in Ohio knowledge.

8. I may not be as clumsy as I once was. Yes, I fell 3 times in four days, but that's a new low. Especially considering the physicality of the trip.

8a. Flip flops + steep decline + loose sand = tent stake in the thigh. I was not impaled. I hit the blunt end. No big.

8b. When one climbs up a rock, one must consider the path that will be taken to get back down.

9. It rains it Utah. A lot. Unexpectedly.

10. It takes 875 crumpled Reader pages to start a fire.

11. Carrie Underwood is a terrible role model.

12. When one goes camping, one should bring towels.

12a. The definition of clean is different when camping.

13. People are inconsiderate.

13a. When there is a two foot wide path to walk along on the side of a rock face, you do not force people to pass on the cliff side.

13b. When generous, kind-hearted folks allow you to pass on such paths, you do not STOP TO TAKE A PICTURE. There are people waiting to get by. Was that not clear? (Disregard that I stopped to take a picture, as evidence by the above photo.)

14. Fording a stream is easier with a partner to lean on.

15. Climbing up rocks is easier with a partner to lean on.

16. Climbing down rocks is easier with a partner to lean on.

17. Life is easier with a partner to lean on.

18. I need a new job. Being indoors is suffocating me.

19. There are stacked rocks all up in Utah.

20. Waterfalls are pretty.

21. This particular photographer takes an hour & 42 minutes to take a photo.

22. This log looks like an elephant, but I brought the wrong lens, so I would have had to back up about a mile to get an accurate photo. Just trust me. It looks like an elephant.

22a. My iPhone takes such good pictures I didn't really need to bring the Canon.

23. I do this a lot.

24. I am adventurous.

25. I am strong

26. I am capable.

27. I can't end this list on an even number.

If interested, the rest of the photos from this trip can be found here:

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Health Karma

Friday night, I drank myself stupid. No exaggeration. I had a major hissy fit in a public place.

Saturday night, I had a couple beers. And shots of tequila. And participated in five games of beer pong, so there's that.

I did no physical activity of any kind over the weekend. (Does a hissy fit count?)

Yesterday, to get back on track, I had a beef & green chili chimichanga for breakfast & spicy chicken noodle soup for lunch. It seems I wanted to make sure I didn't hit any important food groups.

Today, I went to the gym before work to meet with my personal trainer. Back on track for realsies this time.

But health karma wasn't having it. Health karma was all, "Your effort's commendable, but it looks like you forgot to pack a bra with your work outfit today. Have fun wearing a sports bra all day!"

Sports bra = zero nipple coverage

I'm sure the 40 guys I work with won't notice.




Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Iron Mountain

I made it to the peak of Iron Mountain on Sunday. No big deal. Actually, you know what? It's a huge fricking deal. Susan & I tried twice before and collapsed just after mile one. I finished all three miles &, although I felt as if I were dying several times, I finished.

Go me!