Parenting Advice from a Non-Parent

Rule #1 when I'm a mom will be not to break my kids down. There are enough other people and situations in the world that will do that.

I want my kids to think they're good at everything and, equally importantly, that I think they're good at everything.

I've mostly lost my voice due to this nasty cold and what's left of it would best be described...hmm...imagine that a baritone and a frog had a baby and he loved to sing? Like that.

While butchering Christmas songs this morning (due to my cold, mind you, not my normal, lovely singing voice), I was lamenting to my mom that I wouldn't be able to sing carols this year. I proposed that maybe I could be the Christmas whistler. After a quick audition, she said that perhaps I'd be more suited for the bells or accordion.

Now, this was all in jest, of course.

But why not lift your kids (even if they're adults) right on up? Fill those self-esteem buckets to the brim.For whatever reason, kids still look to their parents for approval, whether they're 2 or 32.

Your kid stinks at baseball. Practice with them in the backyard.

Your ballerina isn't graceful. Applaud after every living room performance.

Your little poet can't rhyme. Hang those poems on the fridge.

Your Christmas whistler can't carry a tune. Let her whistle in your fictional caroling scenario, for crying out loud.

Who ever heard of a Christmas carol accordion player anyway?

BragFest 2k11

Want to know how busy my weekend was? I'll tell ya! This is my Saturday afternoon post. But, wait. It's Monday at noon, you say?

Exactly.

And now we begin the BragFest. Guess what I did Saturday morning! All before 11:30 am! I ran walked mostly ran a 5K. My very first! Exclamation!

That there's my sexy race shirt. Did I actually raise any money for Habitat for Humanity? No. I signed up for the race to try to motivate myself to train. Did I train? No. This isn't the first time I've tried this type of coercion on my laziness , but this is the first I've actually gone through with the race and the end of the failed training attempt.

First 5K: 38:13. Not tooooo shabby with no training, right? Right?

Guess what else I got in my race goody bag?

 A blood blister. Hot.

After the race, I drove my butt home to make some breakfast. I was craving some breakfast sausage, but had none, so I made the most aesthetically displeasing lumps of meat I've ever seen.

Know what? They also didn't taste so good. I need a little more spice in my sausage. (That's what she said) Ah well. allrecipes can't always be right.

You know when they are right? When I need some meat-a-balls and they lead me to heaven, or as the case may be, Meatball Nirvana.

These bad boys...oh lord, you guys...these are delicious. The flavor is spot-on and the texture is light. I made some of Papa Russ's World Famous Marinara Sauce to accompany them, but then realized I had no pasta nor did I even have a roll to throw everything on.

Woe is me. Such is the life of an ill-prepared cook.

I took a nap to cope.

Hope you all had as fulfilling a Saturday as I.

A Couple Questions

Why will Words with Friends not allow me to spell Luda like this?

It's called language, WWF. It evolves. Keep up.

And another thing:

Please explain to me how my bed, which is always right up against the wall, ended up like this sometime in the night.

Please do keep your minds out of the gutter.

Garbage

Not really, though. I just couldn't come up with a clever name for this delicious dish.

I originally named it Swiss Cheese Mashed Potato Brisket Egg, but Dylan gave me his "you're a crazyface" look at that title, so...

Suggestions?

It was damn delicious and kept me full on the drive to Palomar Mountain, through a 4 mile hike, and on the drive back.

Miraculous!

Garlic parmesan mashed potatoes, caramelized onions with chopped slow-cooked brisket, shredded swiss, topped with an over-medium egg. Whole wheat toast on the side.

Ok, Universe. I get it.

I'm meant to be unhealthy and lumpy.

The Universe commands it.

See, I'm on a fitness kick thanks to Candice and fitocracy. I've been, for the first time EVER, working out regularly and actually pushing myself.

The Universe gave me a gentle hint last week when two girls walked into the dinky gym in my complex ahead of me. They proceeded to plop themselves unceremoniously on the last two machines. One of those was supposed to be mine! Do you know what they did then? I'll tell you. They sat there and talked, their legs barely moving. Who are these people? I did some weights in the meantime, realized no one was giving up a machine any time soon, and began a quick walk back home. I consider that quarter mile my cardio for the day.

I brazenly ignored that subtle hint, though, and hiked on both Wednesday and Saturday last week. I do what I want, Universe! I've been a bit sore, but was ready to get back into the game today until the Universe decided to BREAK ME!

I was nesting last night. Like vacuum under the bed, rearrange the furniture, put unwanted clothes in a bag for the thrift store levels of nesting. When I was done, I thought I'd attack the kitchen while I was at it. I opened the dishwasher to throw some dirties in and then, being the multi-tasker that I am decided to start the baked oatmeal I had planned for breakfast. I went to my room to grab the ol' laptop and, as I walked back to the kitchen, I began to search for the recipe. Multi-tasking! Woot!

Let me recap for you.

Holding a laptop.

Searching for a recipe.

Eyes on the screen.

Walking into the kitchen.

Now I'm going to need you to picture this last part in slow motion.

I walk full speed into the open dishwasher door. I manage to hit it with both shins simultaneously. I begin to fly (no joke) over the door. In that instant, my laptop was worth more than my life because I hold it up in the air as I come crashing down to the ground. In that last moment before the collision, I managed to turn so I wouldn't land on my face.

Good news: laptop & face are fine!

Bad news: my ass is broken.

I caught a lot of air as I sailed over the dishwasher door and all that weight came down on my right cheek. I could not sleep on that side last night. I can not sit on it today. It's such a deep injury that there's not even a bruise yet (but, lord, there are some nasties on my shins).

In any case, it didn't work. I'm still doing Miramar Lake's five miles today.

I'm not sure I'm ready for what the Universe has in store for me next. Wish me luck!

My Favorite Veterans

Love you.

Miss you.

Wish I could have known you.

Many thanks and love to all our Veterans today and every day.

Lake Poway Loop

It doesn't matter how close to defeat (death, more accurately. Let's be honest.) I am after the Lake Poway Loop hike. When I come around that last corner to see this

and the cool breeze that comes through begins to ease the heat stroke I've nearly suffered, it all seems worth it.

It is worth it.

Yes, I have sausage fingers from the pooling blood.

Yes, I have released nearly a gallon of sweat, all of which the back of my shirt has collected.

Yes, I have muttered a string of words that would make my mother cringe throughout the loop.

Yes, I am covered in a fine layer of dust.

Yes, my face is bright red & I'm wearing a LoJack hat because that's all my stepdad had & this new haircut has my hair all up in my face otherwise.

Helllooo! (Creepy shadow hand attacking me. Who's got photography skills? I do! I do!)

But, you know what? I accomplished something. I decided to go on this hike, I went alone (thanks a lot, lazy-ass friends!), and I finished.

And I feel damn good.