Ok, Universe. I get it.

I'm meant to be unhealthy and lumpy.

The Universe commands it.

See, I'm on a fitness kick thanks to Candice and fitocracy. I've been, for the first time EVER, working out regularly and actually pushing myself.

The Universe gave me a gentle hint last week when two girls walked into the dinky gym in my complex ahead of me. They proceeded to plop themselves unceremoniously on the last two machines. One of those was supposed to be mine! Do you know what they did then? I'll tell you. They sat there and talked, their legs barely moving. Who are these people? I did some weights in the meantime, realized no one was giving up a machine any time soon, and began a quick walk back home. I consider that quarter mile my cardio for the day.

I brazenly ignored that subtle hint, though, and hiked on both Wednesday and Saturday last week. I do what I want, Universe! I've been a bit sore, but was ready to get back into the game today until the Universe decided to BREAK ME!

I was nesting last night. Like vacuum under the bed, rearrange the furniture, put unwanted clothes in a bag for the thrift store levels of nesting. When I was done, I thought I'd attack the kitchen while I was at it. I opened the dishwasher to throw some dirties in and then, being the multi-tasker that I am decided to start the baked oatmeal I had planned for breakfast. I went to my room to grab the ol' laptop and, as I walked back to the kitchen, I began to search for the recipe. Multi-tasking! Woot!

Let me recap for you.

Holding a laptop.

Searching for a recipe.

Eyes on the screen.

Walking into the kitchen.

Now I'm going to need you to picture this last part in slow motion.

I walk full speed into the open dishwasher door. I manage to hit it with both shins simultaneously. I begin to fly (no joke) over the door. In that instant, my laptop was worth more than my life because I hold it up in the air as I come crashing down to the ground. In that last moment before the collision, I managed to turn so I wouldn't land on my face.

Good news: laptop & face are fine!

Bad news: my ass is broken.

I caught a lot of air as I sailed over the dishwasher door and all that weight came down on my right cheek. I could not sleep on that side last night. I can not sit on it today. It's such a deep injury that there's not even a bruise yet (but, lord, there are some nasties on my shins).

In any case, it didn't work. I'm still doing Miramar Lake's five miles today.

I'm not sure I'm ready for what the Universe has in store for me next. Wish me luck!

My Favorite Veterans

Love you.

Miss you.

Wish I could have known you.

Many thanks and love to all our Veterans today and every day.

Lake Poway Loop

It doesn't matter how close to defeat (death, more accurately. Let's be honest.) I am after the Lake Poway Loop hike. When I come around that last corner to see this

and the cool breeze that comes through begins to ease the heat stroke I've nearly suffered, it all seems worth it.

It is worth it.

Yes, I have sausage fingers from the pooling blood.

Yes, I have released nearly a gallon of sweat, all of which the back of my shirt has collected.

Yes, I have muttered a string of words that would make my mother cringe throughout the loop.

Yes, I am covered in a fine layer of dust.

Yes, my face is bright red & I'm wearing a LoJack hat because that's all my stepdad had & this new haircut has my hair all up in my face otherwise.

Helllooo! (Creepy shadow hand attacking me. Who's got photography skills? I do! I do!)

But, you know what? I accomplished something. I decided to go on this hike, I went alone (thanks a lot, lazy-ass friends!), and I finished.

And I feel damn good.

Lambo

They offered me a loaner at the body shop, but I told them that wouldn't be necessary since I'd be out of town for the weekend.

A Test

As I pulled out of our parking garage today on the way to work, I entered into the typical narrow alley standoff. A car wanted to get into the parking garage and was blocking my path; I couldn't manage a right turn to exit, so I continued to block said vehicle's way in. Dude decided he couldn't take the heat of my intense gaze (?), so he slowly began to back up. He reversed approximately three feet. Now I'm no math whiz, but I'm certain that amount of space had no positive effect on my turn radius or trajectory or whatever terminology math whizzes use in this situation.

So, what did I do?

Did I wait for him to back up more?

Did I honk to gently prod him into backing up more?

Did I honk seven times in quick succession to bully him into backing up more?

No.

I embarked on my exit. As I raised my hand in a hey-thanks-for-backing-up wave to the driver of the other car, my car made sweet love to the corner of the wall I was trying to get by. My right rear wheel well and door are demolished. Not just paint damage, not just a dent. We're talking restructuring of metal. We're talking around $2000 worth of ick. The wall, on the other hand, look like it just returned from a relaxing, tropical vacation.

And, you know, it stinks. It's not the best thing that's ever happened to me, but I'm fine. This is life.

Some days, you're the car and some days you're the wall.

Unrooted.

Guanajuato, Mexico from El Pípila February 2011

Everything is so temporary, she thought, so unrooted, and any one of us can just stand up and leave. She tried to imagine the world, even just one square mile of it, from the point of view of God--the appearances and vanishing, the abandoned objects, doors left open in haste--how it must look over centuries...

The Solace of Leaving Early p. 18

Food as Fuel: Day 1

I had another one of my brilliant ideas last week. Some people say I get on these kicks & then give up on them after three days &, of course, those people are right. Something must be done, though. I haven't been very routine about meals and the past few weeks have been an excruciating cycle of skip breakfast, eat a huge, greasy lunch, feel sick, and eat a pretty healthy dinner. (Points for the semi-healthy dinner, right?)

So, the idea. Well, boredom at work births most of these plans and this time was no different. I spent a good amount of time creating a table in Word to plan out a general daily meal plan, which resulted in the following guidelines:

Morning pick-me-up

Smoothie (spinach, almond milk, frozen blueberries, flax meal, chia seeds)

Breakfast

Oatmeal with dried apricots & peanut butter

or

Egg sandwich on an everything bagel thin

Lunch

Salad with tons of veggies and a protein (I'm working with garbanzo beans and roasted chicken this week)

Afternoon snack

baby carrots with Laughing Cow light swiss
crackers

Dinner

whatever that may be

The idea is to eat every few hours so I don't get too hungry or cranky, both of which usually lead to questionable food decisions.

I'm also hoping that this plan will give me the energy to, you know, actually move around. Maybe squeeze some physical activity in?

For now, I have no idea how many trillions of calories or grams of fat I'll be consuming in these meals nor do I can. This is more a test to determine how I feel when eating regular, smallish meals.

I'm moving my thinking from food as obligation and into food as fuel.